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I got 99 problems but .each .time(s) I lose one

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::Steals Jay-z’s swag::

If you having Git problems, I feel bad for you son

I gotz 99 problems but .each .time I lose one

Check it!

I’ve got conditionals checking my control flow

Foes wanna make sure my blocks aint closed

Refactored with methods for gets and shows

Code smacks of pro when it’s repeat-able

if repetition is necessary though

I might need some loops inside my own code

times and each makes Ruby as smooth as dough

You just need is a block that’s execut-able

I put my problems block in between those brackets

or do and end I just use em outta habit

Other cryptic languages send me down their K-holes

Ruby expressiveness be hidden under its own folds

Use ranges like numbers and alphabetical

Blocks keep all my memories ephemeral

That means they forget as soon as they’re done

Now I have 98 problems cuz I just lost one

Title credits: 99 Problems - Jay-z

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opheliasdaisies
2185 days ago
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NYC
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Dozens of Deadly Spiders Burst from Banana As Woman Prepares to Eat It

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An urban legend joined forces with a recurring nightmare and the worst case scenario to permanently traumatize a young mother who found dozens of the world's most venomous spiders crawling all over the banana she was preparing to consume.

"I thought it was mold," said Consi Taylor, 29, of London, referring to the white spots she found on her banana. "[B]ut when I had a closer look I saw some funny looking spots...and was horrified to see they were spiders. They were hatching out on the table, scurrying around on my carpet."

Before realizing she was dealing with dozens of Brazilian wandering spiders (AKA banana spiders) — a highly aggressive, highly venomous spider certified as "the most toxic" by Guinness World Records — Taylor attempted to return the bananas to the Sainsbury's supermarket where she'd bought them.

She was initially offered £10 ($16) for her trouble, but after sending a photo of the spider to a pest control specialist, Taylor, her husband Richard, and their two small children were ordered to get the hell out of the house and never look back.

Well, at least until the residence was thoroughly fumigated.

Sainsbury’s subsequently offered to pay the full cost of the extermination, as well as pick up the tab at the hotel where the Taylors were temporarily put up.

The supermarket chain apologized for the incident, but insisted it has "rigorous controls on imported products at all stages" which significantly reduce the instances of killer spiders bursting from bananas and attacking patrons.

Taylor, meanwhile, is content with reducing her daily intake of potassium.

"I hope I didn’t eat one but I can’t be sure," she said. "I now have a phobia of buying bananas. We don’t know whether they’ve all gone."

[screengrab via YouTube]

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opheliasdaisies
2199 days ago
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Reverse Identity Theft

35 Comments and 52 Shares
I asked a few friends whether they'd had this happen, then looked up the popularity of their initials/names over time.  Based on those numbers, it looks like there must be at least 750,000 people in the US alone who think 'Sure, that's probably my email address' on a regular basis.
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opheliasdaisies
2211 days ago
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Happens all the time. It's interesting what you can piece together of peoples' lives from mistaken emails.
NYC
popular
2214 days ago
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30 public comments
Skotte
2213 days ago
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My email address has "Cheeze" with a Z instead of an S. I imagine the owner of the "Cheese" address gets a lot of my mail fFrom fFamily who don't notice the Z.
Rochester, Earth
therealedwin
2213 days ago
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This happens to me all the time with my gmail.
Seattle, Washington
cbenard
2214 days ago
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Happens all the damn time to me.
Plano, Texas
ksteimle
2214 days ago
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Looking at you, Ken and Katie...
Atlanta
MEVincent
2214 days ago
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I've even got a number in mine and have still collected a guy in FL and a guy outside London.
Manassas, Virginia
hansolosays
2214 days ago
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I got an excellent pancake recipe this way...
Norfolk, Virginia
jeffjacobs
2214 days ago
Apparently someone who doesn't know their email address is getting their house remodeled. Lots of appointments for new bath fixtures and curtains
sleepwalker
2195 days ago
I received mystery college acceptance letters. Eventually Samuel caught on and sent me a message himself asking about it. Also. er,would you be willing to share the recipe?
hansolosays
2195 days ago
here ya go.... Okay, Chuck. Here it is. Prepare to become a legend. The trick is to blend the dry ingredients thoroughly and beat the wet ingrediients together separately.. Then CARESS the wet ingredients into the dry. Don't overmix them because it will make them tough. Preheat griddle to 375. Mix together. 2 Cups Flour 1 tsp soda 1 tsp salt 4 Tbsp sugar In another bowl beat together 2 cups Buttermilk 2 Tbsp oil 2 eggs 1 tsp vanilla Gently mix wet and dry ingredients together. Grease griddle -- Make smaller pancakes 1\4 to 1/2 cup batter. Turn when bubbles pop and do not close. (Hint: You may want to slightly increase the amount of sugar and vanilla according to your taste.) Once you master this recipe, people will beg you to make your pancakes at family get togethers. It really spoils them. Thanks again for a great time. It was so good to see you again.
zippy72
2215 days ago
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My namesake is the British ambassador to Iraq. If this happens, it could be interesting...
FourSquare, qv
pberry
2216 days ago
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This is my inbox.
Chico, CA
ravenel
2217 days ago
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Oh my God yes.
ÜT: 40.673477,-73.975108
ktgeek
2217 days ago
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I have this happen constantly. Makes me sad that I got in on gmail so damn early. Just means a lot of "spam" gets bit bucketed.
Bartlett, IL
librarinerd
2217 days ago
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I actually keep a file with all the people whose e-mail I get and their actual e-mails. I know which e-mails to forward to Pennsylvania and which to Texas...
Nilbog
wmorrell
2217 days ago
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ALL. THE. TIME. There are at least four distinct individuals who at one point or another believed they owned my email address.
tedder
2217 days ago
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this is why I have my own domain name. Never happens.
Uranus
WebWrangler
2217 days ago
Yep. Had my own domain for 14 years now. Never happens to me either
vincemulhollon
2217 days ago
Yeah, whatever, said John Smith. For me not so much of a problem.
superiphi
2214 days ago
you are never safe! I have iphi.ne/com/org -get tons of emails meant for Lphi.
jakesutton
2217 days ago
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My problem is younger people with my name.
United States
wyeager
2217 days ago
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My favorite are the photos of bass that some guy caught and tried to send to his brother. I may not have any brothers but I do know a nice looking bass when I see one.
Blur Area
zwol
2217 days ago
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This T-shirt will only get more common as time goes on.
Pittsburgh, PA
jonathanpeterson
2217 days ago
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firstname.lastname here. That limits how much I get. The good news is that the Wharton School is convinced that I'm an MBA alumni. I'm sorely tempted to order a "replacement" MBA diploma.
rjstegbauer
2217 days ago
I can still get first.last@anywhere.com for probably forever. I have an uncommon lastname and now uncommon first name.
toxotes
2217 days ago
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Somebody with my last name and a *different* first initial signed up for phone service with my email address last week.
dianaschnuth
2217 days ago
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Or if your email is [last name] + @gmail.com...
Toledo OH
schnuth
2217 days ago
Kia still sends me emails for Uncle Charles. Ugh,
leilers
2217 days ago
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This happens to me All. The. Time. So far I've collected a professor in Arkansas and someone who works at the CDC in Atlanta and a Tea Partier. It's BIZARRE.
Northern Virginia
sleepwalker
2195 days ago
Your inbox sounds like a very strange place. Not sure I'd want to visit, much less live there.
NielsRak
2217 days ago
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Don't know what you're talking about... :)
oliverzip
2217 days ago
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The worst being this who sign up to xbox live and can use unvalidated email addresses and then are reduced to begging you to have their account back.
Sydney, Balmain, Hornsby.
jrdn
2217 days ago
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I have actually gotten job offers (plural), presumably intended for whatever evil doppelganger of mine doesn't know his email address.
nderksen
2217 days ago
Same here. I politely emailed them back advising them to phone the candidate instead. Also had an issue with someone setting their alternate email for their Yahoo account to mine, then they guy kept on emailing support asking why they weren't getting a response. Tried to get Yahoo support to understand but because I didn't have the responses to their security questions they ignored me. So annoying.
jtgrimes
2217 days ago
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Alt text: I asked a few friends whether they'd had this happen, then looked up the popularity of their initials/names over time. Based on those numbers, it looks like there must be at least 750,000 people in the US alone who think "Sure, that's probably my email address" on a regular basis.
Oakland, CA
jscartergilson
2217 days ago
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Seem familiar?
MaryEllenCG
2217 days ago
GAH. YES. And mine's not even (first initial)(last name).
rascalking
2217 days ago
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THIS. ALL THE TIME THIS.
Wakefield, MA
Lythimus
2217 days ago
I still can't believe it's good that I was too young and stupid to get my name for a gmail address when it was in invitation-only mode.
ScottInPDX
2217 days ago
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Or just the last name. I get tons of mail not for me.
Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth
kipthegreat
2217 days ago
or [firstname].[lastname]. i have a very uncommon first name (Kip) but i get mail for a mormon firefighter in california and a boy scout leader in arkansas and a heating&air guy in arizona. but surprisingly i've never gotten mail intended for my dad, who has the same name as me
lrwrp
2217 days ago
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Experience dis all the time.
??, NC

Privacy Opinions

19 Comments and 40 Shares
I'm the Philosopher until someone hands me a burrito.
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opheliasdaisies
2240 days ago
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NYC
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WorldMaker
2236 days ago
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I'm the Nihilist until someone hands me a burrito. This single comic explains so much about my experience with Derbycon this year in such a succinct way.
Louisville, Kentucky
emdot
2234 days ago
Me too.
ahmetasabanci
2236 days ago
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I'm working on augmented reality in philosophy and new perceptions of reality and information in our times. I've just started writing and I guess it'll be finished spring 2014. But sadly I'm living in Turkey and have to write in Turkish. I'm going to translate but it's hard to finish translation before summer 2014. I'll be happy to talk with you.
İstanbul
denubis
2236 days ago
Oooh. That sounds *fascinating*. I'd love to follow along with google translate. Definitly take a look at Voss' work as well. I'm an acacdemic here in Sydney, so I'm happy to chat about ideas. @denubisX on twitter
ahmetasabanci
2236 days ago
Thanks. I'm going to check Voss' work too. I followed you on twitter (@ahmetasabanci).
Dadster
2236 days ago
Wow, I'm in Ahmet!
jhamill
2237 days ago
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Now I want a burrito instead of this pizza.
California
sjk
2238 days ago
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Of the six, I'm closest to "The Nihilist".
Florida
jth
2239 days ago
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I hold all six opinions, but the order in which they take precedence varies based on my proximity to burritos and government buildings.
Saint Paul, MN, USA
ktgeek
2239 days ago
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Enjoy your burrito!
Bartlett, IL
Sunira
2239 days ago
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I'm two of these people. haha.
Atlanta, GA
emdeesee
2240 days ago
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I know all of these people, and I am three of them.
📌 Lincoln, NE ❤️️ Sherman, TX
jtgrimes
2240 days ago
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I feel most people aren't represented here. "I don't care - I have nothing to hide. Wait - the NSA knows what porn I watch? WHAT ABOUT MY RIGHTS!!!!"
Oakland, CA
satadru
2240 days ago
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<3
New York, NY
Michdevilish
2240 days ago
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ah, the disambiguous sage:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Salvia_divinorum_-_Herba_de_Maria.jpg
Canada
toddgrotenhuis
2240 days ago
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Yup.
Indianapolis
adamgurri
2240 days ago
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This is perfect. Perfect.
New York, NY
blackd
2240 days ago
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6 times is too low mine data is encrypted 18 times
denubis
2240 days ago
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I really want to share my thesis, since it's *all about* the philosophy of data. ... Anyone want a link?
Sydney, Australia
adpaolucci
2240 days ago
Link me bro. (EDIT: Thanks man! Now I got something to read.)
denubis
2240 days ago
Large 400 odd page thesis PDF: http://www.mendeley.com/download/public/2110651/4867189482/58d704a31071163071cb0a391f17ad202fe958ff/dl.pdf Conference paper summary: http://www.mendeley.com/download/public/2110651/5688165404/4b4793054bcb94246d7537eeadf1fde11519d430/dl.pdf
HybridAU
2240 days ago
Thanks
adamgurri
2240 days ago
Nice! Downloaded.
ddmf
2240 days ago
thanks!
zippy72
2240 days ago
Gonna read this. Looks fascinating! Thanks!
skoobahdiver
2239 days ago
So I have to ask... Given that this paper is a survey of common usage of the concept of data, are you taking a pragmatist approach to the reality of what data is? To me, it seems that the colloquial usages of the concept of "data" is only relevant once the metaphysical concept of "data" is fully established. Honestly, my philosophy studies haven't taken me into this route yet, so I am not certain that this concept is ill defined at this time.
denubis
2238 days ago
@skoobahdiver Depends on what hat I'm wearing. This is mainly a question of "how do we deal with people saying the word 'data' " Basically, one of the major IT problems is that we think we know what the word data means when it comes out of our clients/requirementGenerator's mouths. This understanding is a *real* problem, since it often doesn't tend to match up. Also, as a pragmatist, there's no platonic form of data. There is only how we define it in the nested Baudrilliardian simulacra we live in.
ahmetasabanci
2236 days ago
I'm preparing a graduation thesis about a close topic too and this looks pretty good, downloaded. Thanks!
denubis
2236 days ago
Cool. I'd love to comment/read/whatever. Link or share it? Also, you may be interested in what Jacob Voss has done for his Ph.D. (It's in a similar vein.) What's your specific topic?
traggett
2240 days ago
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Alt text: "I'm the Philosopher until someone hands me a burrito"
Hong Kong
gmuslera
2240 days ago
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The privacy is just the tip of the iceberg. There is a buiding in Utah where the NSA is doing the entire iceberg. I don't know how they got it there.
montevideo, uy
adam_w
2240 days ago
That explains why it's so cold here in Utah.

How Society Moves Forward

1 Comment and 3 Shares

pumpkin spice doritos

Stay exactly who you are and eventually society will catch up with you.

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opheliasdaisies
2259 days ago
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I would love to try this flavor.
NYC
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Dog mauls town mayor, Stubbs the cat

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He's a beloved mayor, who's held the top office in Talkeetna, Alaska, for 16 years. So imagine the townfolks' shock when he was attacked.
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opheliasdaisies
2261 days ago
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Yes, this town has a cat mayor.
NYC
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